First of all. I master the technical aspect of poker well at the limits i play, but i dont master the psychology of playing poker. So i am a losing player. I admit it.
My best game is the NLHE SNGs and small MTTs, so thats what i usually plays. About four months ago i played really well and experienced a hot streak. I got my bankroll to grow to 3k dollars very fast. Then i played myself down to 2.3k dollars, and started chasing my loss. I sat down at a 10-20 Razz game, with a dude who only had 200 dollars. I was planing on winning his money then settle for 2.5k dollars. I played extremly bad, disgustingly bad. The dude sitting there wins a cuple of big pots from me, and suddenly the table starts filling up at a fast rate. I keep on playing and lose all of my money. That was frustrating and terrible. But then it happend.
Just as i quit the table, everyone else was leaving as well. This was the worst poker moment of my life, not due to the lost money, but everybody left when i got busted. I felt so sick and ashamed. So embarrassing, i was probably the biggest fish they had seen in years. I self excluded my self for four months, and that period is soon over.
I read ”the poker mindset”, and that book helped me somewhat, but i still ned imput and improvement. But i kinda feel as i have changed my mindset somewhat, but im not sure if it have effected me enough, as i havent played yet. Before i rated my sucsess in money, but i dont think i got that approach any more, i now want to play the best, and beat the game. I want to beat the game so bad, due to that embarrassing moment almost four months ago. I never ever felt so as ashamed and i never wanted anything this much before. I want to beat the game, and prove to myself that i am a winning player in the long run.
When i can start playing again i am going to deposit 1k dollars, thats a lot of money, but i can live with out it, and if i lose em playing with correct bankrollmanagment and follow my rules, than its ok, but im guessing im not going to lose that money IF i play by the new rules i am going to set. I belivr the big deposit will make me more focused.
I dont know how you guys shall response to this post, i dont even know what kind if response i want. I just wanted to write this stort. But anyhow, feel free to comment and/or give me tips. It is greatly appriciated. And also, sorry my bad English.

News